Guerillas threaten gorillas!

Posted 20 Nov 2008

Language, People | 3 Comments 

Why all this guerilla on gorilla violence!? Won’t somebody please think of the homonyms?!?

Please note that the editors of chickenmonkeydog do not support violence and do not condone the endangerment of the mountain gorillas.

Thanks to a reader from Chicago for the contribution.

Dear Spammers: You’re barking up the wrong tree

Posted 17 Nov 2008

Daily Life, People, The Little Things | 4 Comments 

This is an open letter from the editors of chickenmonkeydog to all spammers who leave comments on our blog:

Dear Spammers of Porn Advert Comments:

Please do not leave comments on our blog advertising videos of dog sex, even if those movies are available for free. In fact, please don’t leave us adverts for any sex movies. We’re just not interested. Furthermore, we’re fairly confident that our readers aren’t terribly interested either. (And if they are, I am sure they don’t need us to show them where to find such videos.)

To be perfectly honest, our technical editor is becoming frightened of discarding your spam of late as your video offers are growing increasingly violent and disturbing in nature. For the sake of our staff, please do stop sending us these ugly offers.

Thank you,

The Editors
chickenmonkeydog.com

NOTE: Our technical editor has used Photoshop to blur the swearword in the advert comment; otherwise it is as it was submitted.

Don’t Drink and Fight Fires

Posted 14 Nov 2008

Daily Life, Drinks, People, Signs | Leave a Comment 

“It is the duty of all members of the Public being on the premises to conduct themselves in such a way that no person on the premises is exposed to danger from fire through any act or omission of theirs”

Geez. All I wanted to do was have a few pints, yet suddenly I have to make sure that I don’t omit doing anything which could prevent any person on the premises from being exposed to danger.

It reminded me of Asimov’s first rule of robotics, yet it was missing the crucial additional qualifiers. Sure, I don’t want anyone to come to harm and I certainly will do my best to prevent any dangerous situations, but the absolute and all-encompassing nature of the posted demands are well beyond the skill of this completely untrained fire-fighter. Again, too much work for a fellow just looking for a drink.

Caffeine Compensation

Posted 13 Nov 2008

Daily Life, Drinks, People | 2 Comments 

I’m pretty sure that the guy who works in this cubicle …

… gets paid in direct proportion to the number of coffee mugs he uses each day.

Then again, I didn’t check the name on the cubicle, perhaps this is where Juan Valdez sits.

I need some help washing my hands

Posted 10 Nov 2008

Daily Life, People, Signs | 4 Comments 

Why do so many people leave the bathroom without washing their hands? Furthermore, is this a tendency that only exists among men, or do women also partake in this non-sanitary agenda? It seems to me like it would be as gross for the person not washing hands as it is for everyone else, so I really have no idea.

Still, while I may not know how wide-spread this “non-hand-washing” epidemic is spread, I can provide you with one useful piece of info. On Southport Avenue in Chicago you can find a store which offers “expert handwashing” for those folks that need a little help or instruction. Feel free to refer people.