Too much work for a drink of water

Posted 18 Jul 2008

Drinks, Signs | 7 Comments 

Please remember to place lids on all cups before leaving the pantry area

That’s how the sign above the sink (in the office where I worked this week) reads. I ended up being really thirsty all week because of that sign.

No way would it have been worth the effort to comply with the sign and put a cap on ALL of the cups in the pantry before leaving. I only want one drink – and it would take at least twenty minutes to put lids on all the cups. Plus, I was pretty sure that I’d end up annoying my co-workers who then would have to remove the lid before they could get a drink.

Tuning in the telly

Posted 17 Jul 2008

Daily Life, Football/Soccer | 4 Comments 

So, here’s how I imagine the conversation in Flat 2F, near the Old Street Tube Station:

Wife: Do you really have to watch the football now?

Husband: Yes … and if I could only get the stupid channel tuned in, I could watch it.

Wife: Did you remember to adjust the antenna on the roof?

Husband: (Sighs loudly) Yes!

Wife: Well, Emma and James just told me that they have it coming on perfectly next door. Are you sure you tuned the antenna in the right direction?

Husband: (in a loud voice) Yes!

Wife: Do you maybe just want to double-check? It would only take a minute to pop up to the roof and see.

Husband: I told you, I’ve already tuned it properly.

Unfortunately, and perhaps unsurprisingly, the husband never did get the match tuned in properly that night.

Social wardrobe obligation

Posted 16 Jul 2008

Daily Life, Signs | 5 Comments 

In some ways I wish I were a doctor, so that in situations when emergencies occur and the call goes out:

"IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?"

I could respond and save the day.  But I’m not a doctor.

So when I saw this emergency notification posted up in my hotel this week, I responded with all the celerity and confidence that I imagined a doctor would possess in times of need.

I went to bed shirtless and shoeless, but when duty calls, who am I to turn away?  No, I’m no hero, but I will say that I slept better knowing that the shirt and shoe crisis in the lobby had been averted, thanks to me.

Hacked by government operatives!

Posted 15 Jul 2008

Events | 12 Comments 

As I mentioned previously on chickenmonkeydog, I have a sat nav called Tomasina. When not in use, Tomasina rests in her case in my desk. Power off. Resting. Until I need her helpful assistance.

This afternoon, whilst I was at work, in my office, nowhere near my car, I suddenly heard Tomasina announcing directions to me. She warned me to prepare to take the 3rd exit at the next roundabout. Shocked by sudden eruption from what was a powered-off electronic device, I ripped open my desk and pulled Tomasina from her case.

Sure enough, Tomasina was on and, even more surprisingly, had me motoring north down the M40, approaching junction 9 (where the M40 meets the A41/A34). That’s at least 20 minutes by car from where I keep my desk!

More than a little concerned that my sat nav might have just been hacked into by MI5 or MI6 on some covert operation, I put the device as far away from me as could. (Well, at least as far as I could without getting out of my chair.)

Then, about 15 minutes later, Tomasina announced that I had reached my destination! Now, really frightened that I might be taken away by government operatives or possibly even be interviewed by the conspiracy theorists at Fox News, I immediately shut Tomasina off, not even looking to see to where I had arrived.

So, if I go missing and this blog is no longer updated, will one of you, fair readers, please raise the alarm? The photo that I’ve posted above can serve as proof of my story.

Rubber-headed stunt man

Posted 14 Jul 2008

Events, Signs | 3 Comments 

One day while out walking around in Southfield, Michigan (just outside of Detroit),  I wandered through a public park.  In this park I crossed a cement pedestrian bridge and then went down about 6 stairs into a concrete plaza area.  At the bottom of those 6 stairs I saw this sign posted:

(Sign image photoshopped just to remove the background; the sign itself was not altered. )

I was confused about what the value of this sign was.  Remember that it was at the bottom of the stairs, so presumably anyone who sees the sign has already come down the stairs.  If they made it down safely, the sign wouldn’t mean much to them.  If they crashed down the stairs, the sign would probably just further aggravate them by its poor positioning.

Although I didn’t understand it at the time, I took this picture, and after contemplating it for some time, I’ve concluded that this sign isn’t meant to be a warning at all.

Rather, the sign has to be a commemorative indicator of an event some time ago, when a rubber-headed man rode on a magical bike, which had wheels that were connected without spokes.  He rode this bike down these stairs, while popping a front wheelie, and leaped off halfway down, flipping over and turning around to face the other direction as he flew through the air.  He hit the ground head first and bounced up four feet into the air, all the while maintaining a perfect walking stance.

If that doesn’t deserve a commemorative sign, I don’t know what does.